Shell Shock
by Anubis Soundwave
Summary: On orders from the Koopalings, the Koopa Brothers gather the greatest Koopa warriors in the Mushroom World for a mysterious purpose.
1. Prologue: On His Majesty's Koopa Service

_**Shell Shock**_

byline: Anubis Soundwave

Prologue: On His Majesty's Koopa Service.

_Red, as usual, yapped about how we were the coolest and the baddest Koopa Troopas in the army. Roy wasn't impressed-but he never is. Yellow and Green just stared at the spectacle: all eight royal Highnesses in the same room._

_I don't think my older brother even realized how serious the Highnesses' mood was until Roy finally cut him off (a notable feat, indeed) by stomping the floor._

_"The reason I want you to gather the allies on my list," said Roy, glaring at my prone and trembling brother (not very cool, Bro!), "is because the four of you don't have the tools to do what we need you to do."_

_Red stopped shaking, then jumped to his feet, fist curled in fury. Prince Roy attacked the most fragile aspect of Red: his ego. Sad attempt at retort in three, two..._

_"Then why ask us at all!" spat Red. "Maybe you should try your usual tactic-trick that other set of brothers to do your dirty work for you."_

_Roy just smiled. "You're making yourself look worse, wienus."_

_Red realized his mistake. "Fine, Your Highness," he blurted._

_Prince Roy was always the meanest of His Majesty's elder seven; not for nothing was his cartoon depiction called "Bully Koopa"._

_Still, I needed to cut my big brother's reaming short. "Your Highness," I asked, "what mission are you sending us on?"_

_"We'll tell you that when you've secured the rest of your team." Roy turned to Red. "Go, Koopa Brothers. Do not fail."_

_The four of us grouped up and bowed. "Yes, Your Highness." We left the castle without our usual theatrics-Red's ego has suffered enough for one day._

* * *

Day: O/X

Month: Flower

Overcast.

Yo, Journal:

Runt hasn't said a word during our meeting with the Koopa Brothers. In fact, he hasn't said anything since he told me about the attack.

Larry and Wendy are holding up, considering...everything. Ludy...ah, he's approaching normal (for him), though he ordered some Hammer Brothers to drag in his dang pipe organ so he could play.

"Nightmares. From Grandpapa." Last thing Runt said, two days ago.

It couldn't be the Koopa Royal from Ma's side of the family-Wendy already took Ma out of the picture, with help from the...green plumber. Ma's Pop is done for: game ended and sent to the Underwhere.

That leaves...some unfinished business of our Pop's.

Okay, Journal: not that you're alive or anything, but I've gotta elaborate.

It started about three days prior.

Pop was in rare form. We had a meet and greet between the Koopa Troop (our forces) and our newly-acquired Troops from the other seven kingdoms we...acquired. The new soldiers, Magikoopas, and Lakitu were in awe; Red-lead idiot of our favorite ninja team of morons-was selling the virtues of a (nearly) united Koopa Empire.

It's kind of weird that Morton the Motormouth and I are married and our dad ain't-although this wouldn't be the case if Princess Pink-and-Prissy would just accept the whole Chaos Heart marriage thing.

So what if she was hypnotized by a third-party? She and Pop were both victims of circumstance, and Pop wants to make the best of it. The Empire's seen worse marriages than that.

Pop was the lone surviving result of a marriage worse than that. Why is Pop such a selfish, ruthless monster? Because he's the son of a selfish, ruthless, and cold-hearted monster-what do people expect?

With the Mushroom people: rainbows and lollipops, I guess.

Anyway: Runt was staring at an old painting Pop made when he was Runt's age. Just as Runt took out his Paintbrush (he carries that thing everywhere-it's like Lemmy and his ball!), Pop rushed over to him, agitated.

"What are you doing, son?" Pop asked with menacing fake cheerfulness.

"I-I was gonna touch up your painting, Papa," said Runt.

"Don't. Touch. The painting." Pop glared at Runt (rare, because usually Runt gets away with much worse-owing to being Pop's favorite). Runt nodded and backed away.

The grand tour continued without incident. We ate dinner after it was all over, then went to bed.

That's when the nightmares started. First was Ludy, but he wrote it off; thought it was from a late-night snack and bad movie binge. (He was watching the _**Super Mario Brothers**_ movie for an internet review; that abortion of a film would give Kratos nightmares.) Then Ludy and Wendy: both had nightmares. Then Ludy, Wendy, and Larry. Larry Koopa: who never has nightmares-because he's a dream wizard. Larry merged his nightmare with Ludy's and Wendy's; together, they beat the bad dream.

I thought the whole thing had died down, until that day...

Just as I was drifting off to sleep, Runt (half-asleep) drop-kicked my door down, then jumped in bed with me. The wife shrugged and went downstairs to watch security footage. (Like me, she's a beast at malevolent castle design. We're a match made in hell.)

I would've pushed Runt outta my bed, but there he was-Bowser Junior, heir to the throne-rocking back and forth, clinging to his Paintbrush with a death grip.

"Don't bother Papa," Runt muttered-over and over. I called Larry, Kamek, and J. T.(Master Junior Troopa, an annoying but persistent Koopa hatchling) to deal with Runt-because I wanted some sleep.

It's obvious, Journal: Grandpa's targeting Pop's favorite kids, and the only way the fossil could pull that off is if the seal on the painting he's in is getting weaker.

Yeah. Pop and Runt are paint wizards; that's why Pop was able to seal Prissy Pink in a stained glass window, and why Runt was able to frame The Plumber at Isle Delfino.

This nightmare crud spooked Runt. Not being Pop's soul jar (though I guess it helps that Runt's the Kid with the Remote Control). Not barely escaping death during Pop's first attempt at galactic conquest (foiled by The Plumber).

Nope. A dang nightmare.

No way in hell am I going to let this decrepit excuse for a Koopa Royal pick on my brothers and sister. We're going to send some common Koopas to end Grandpa's game, crushing his puny ego in the process.

Besides: tormenting my siblings? That's my job.

* * *

"Got them all, Koops?" asked Professor Frankly.

"Yep." Koops, along with Koopie Koo, slammed down a large pile of heavy books. "Every. Last. Stinking. Book."

I stared at the exhausted Koopas. "Why are you doing this again?"

Koops ignored me as he quelled the urge to hurl his Mailbox SP to the ground. "What is it now?" he asked.

Koopie Koo, Frankly, and I stared at Koops; watching in shock as the timid, affable Koopa trembled in fury.

"Yeah, I got them all... You want me to do what?"

"Ooh-he's peeved," I noted.

"Don't tell me to calm down! We've been all over the world-to hell and back-tracking down these books... Why do we have to bring them to Petalburg...? No! I'm in Rogueport, right outside a professor's house, in fact... I don't care about your 'superiors'...!"

"He's about to lose it..." Koopie Koo looked on, worried.

Koops glared at his SP. "Fine!" He shuts the SP.

"The Trouble still isn't solved?" Koopie asked.

Koops scowled. "Nope."

"Cancel the stupid thing!" I spat. "It can't cost that much-especially since we know who runs the Trouble Center."

Koops tensed his fists. "I can't. It's... It's too important."

"OHMKS still doesn't want me to help with the research?" Professor Frankly asked.

"Not here." Koops shook his head, irritated. "They want you to come with me to Petalburg."

"Okay," I grinned. "Now we can-*"

"S-sorry, Bella... Only the professor." Koops smiled in apology as he and Koopie Koo picked up the books. He's the only person allowed to call me "Bella"-ever since that horrible series of horror romance novels (and the tie-in movies) came out.

"If they change their minds, you know my email." I lifted up my SP-the way only we Goombas could.

"Don't worry about it," grunted Koops as he and Koopie Koo trudged to the pipe across from Frankly's house.

The two Koopas followed the professor into Rogueport Sewers, returning to Petalburg.

"I know he doesn't expect me to believe that," I scowled. Really: what does he take me for.

* * *

Koops still needs help researching those books I told him to get.

Fine by me. I'm talking to the blue-shelled Mario fanboy now-he's going to help us whether he wants to or not.

"You'd better keep your mouths shut, too," grins Black, looking over Kooper and Parakarry. I can't believe I know their names.

"Told you." Goggles the Parakoopa pouts at Kooper.

"No; you tried to get Merlon to remove their disguises," counters the dork.

Except we weren't wearing disguises. Ha! I am a ninja genius. Hidden in plain sight.

"It's not like we lied," says Yellow, showing Kooper our picnic photo with Dad and Pappy, the Favor Fiend. "Look at the photo."

"Sorry," scowls Kooper, not sorry at all. "You're all such fanboys of the psychotic overgrown Koopa-child that the Village forgot that you lived there."

"Spoken like a true Koopa Village idiot," says Green.

Kooper folds his arms.

"I almost feel sorry for the mayor," says Parakarry, frowning.

"Why 'almost'?" asks Black. He's just being a jerkass (as usual): every Koopa on this boat to Rogueport knows the answer.

"You're terrible grandsons," says Kooper, pouting. "And shell thieves."

"You can't pin the Fuzzy invasion on us!" I chortle-that was an obvious lie. Sheesh. Koopa Village needs to loosen up.

We reach Rogueport, get our cash and items back from a stupid Bandit at the east side of town (who do these guys think they're dealing with?), and enter the sewers...

...or rather, underground city-because these are the cleanest sewers I've ever seen. Kent's too big, so he takes the long route through the waterways to Petal Meadows. The rest of us take the shortcut-directly to Petalburg.

When we exit the pipe and arrive at Petalburg, we meet Koops-our Hidden Dragon (he looks and acts all meek, but he's got a temper on him-whoo!)-face to face.

And...

...I'm staring at his beautiful girlfriend. She will be mine.

**END OF CHAPTER**

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for reading.


	2. Chapter 1: The Royal Prerogative

_**Shell Shock**_

_byline_: Anubis C. Soundwave

CHAPTER 1: The Royal Prerogative.

"Koops..." Koopie Koo winces. She's really pretty; Koops is a lucky guy. Best of all, she'll look even more like an angel once her wings come in.

Sure, lots of Koopas and Goombas want wings, but they have to grow in. They're either painful or itchy, especially when they pierce through a shell. Koopas have to rub their shells against walls or on trees to stop the discomfort.

It looks like Black's got the itch, too...

"What are you doing, Black?" says Red. "That doesn't look cool."

"Nothing, Red; give me a break!" spits Black. "Can't a guy scratch an itch?"

"Whatever. Find a cooler way to scratch your shell, man-the Royal Highnesses are coming." I'm starting to think that Red has no clue about his own brother.

I just hope I don't lose my job at the post office over all this.

"I've never been here, actually," says Koops, noting hostile looks from some red-shells and a Spiked Goomba. "Where are we headed, again?"

Red rolls his eyes. "Are you thick? Shwonk Fortress!" This guy's unbelievable.

"I know. The name. Of the place." Koops takes a deep breath, trying to control his temper.

We arrive at Shwonk Fortress, which seems kind of run-down.

"It looks like some Koopas are already there to greet us," says Kooper.

They look tough: there's a yellow-shell and a Shady blue-shell. The strongest is that guy with the white helmet and shell, though.

"D-dad?" Red's eyes widen, as do his brothers; they all recognize the white-shelled Koopa.

* * *

"Aren't the four of you glad to see me?" I ask my sons.

"Yeah, of course. It's just... What are you doing here?" Red asks.

"The Prince Regent sent me to find other instructors to train you," I answer, nodding to two fighters from Glitzville.

"I guess you couldn't convince the Koopinator to come, huh?" Koops asks Pete, the yellow-shell.

"That ain't his bag, man." Pete shakes his head as he bumps fists with Koops.

"How's Kenshiro holding up?" Koops continues.

Pete and the Shady Koopa chuckle. "You know how G. J. rolls," says Pete. "He's tearing up the circuit."

"That Goomba kid's no slouch, though," adds the Shady Koopa. "He's got a bit of Hyper Goomba in him."

"Calls himself 'The Executioner's Apprentice'." Pete shows everyone a poster with the young Goomba.

Kooper stares at it a moment, as do my sons. "That's... That's Goombario!"

"What's that runt doing in the Glitz Pit?" balks Red.

"Nobody stepped on him yet?" adds Black.

My sons... "Enough," I demand. "Once we have spoken with His Majesty the Regent and the other Highnesses-*"

Red cuts me off. I'm beginning to see Father's point. (To be fair, he and Red are more alike than either would admit.) "Dad, this is our mission."

"I know."

Of course, Red continues without realizing that I answered him. "And we got all the people on His Highness' list and everything!"

"You did your duty. So what?" I ask. "Can you truly say that they are prepared for what lies ahead?"

"We've got Kent, Dad! Between our training from him and you, we're covered." Red's frustrated.

"You want me to return to Monstro Town," I state.

Red's lost his next sentence, knowing that I'd just spoken his thoughts aloud.

"Son, this isn't about you. This isn't even about His Majesty..."

Green and Yellow gasp at my words, while Black scrunches his brow in thought.

I've confused them. They'll learn soon enough. "Listen," I say to Red. "You have to consider your brothers' safety-not only as your brothers, but as your teammates."

Red winces; he bows to me in an earnest attempt to be serious. "Forgive me, Jagger-_sensei_."

The young blue-shell, Kooper, sighs; as does Parakarry, a winged green-shell.

The eight Highnesses have arrived.

* * *

I hate the Trouble Center. I knew I was being roped into something.

Ludwig von Koopa-or should I say: "His Majesty the Regent"-smiles at me. "Owing to your prior ill history with Father, I understand if some of you want to back out."

"Understatement," says Kooper, stealing my next word.

"Hey, maybe the guy stuck in the painting's more reasonable than your dad," I add, not interested in a power struggle between the Koopa Royals. Mario and Luigi were already duped by these clowns.

"Wrong," counters Roy, the creep in the pink sunglasses, "but it leads to your next assignment."

My eyes widen. "W-what makes you think that...that w-we're going to help you?"

"You're going to visit the heir of the ninth Koopa King's throne to secure her permission," answers Roy. "She has to release you, because you and your girlfriend are her subjects."

"Who's the new queen?" asks Red.

Roy unfurls a poster of...Princess Peach?

I guess I've got no choice, then.

* * *

I can see it in his eyes, that timid, clumsy goof. "I'm coming with you," I tell Koops, "and that's final."

"B-but..." 

"You've already risked your life once." I place my hands on his shoulders. "I won't let you risk it alone this time."

"It's too dangerous!" Koops blurts. "If all that research we did makes sense...if Roy's correct... The last thing I want is you coming with me!"

"I won't hold you back, if that's what you're worried about!" I counter. "You're not the only one with a parent working for that tyrannical fire-breathing moron."

Koops winces.

"They trained both of us how to fight when we were little, remember?"

"Yeah." Koops touches his band-aid, smiling. "She wasn't happy to find out that I learned Shell Slam."

"That's because you used it on her," grins Kooper.

"You used Fire Shell on her," quips Koops. "Cooking my mom in her armor is not a good idea."

"Maybe Cousin Koopley should think twice about living inside a dragon's stomach for ten years."

Koops grins. "That wasn't planned." He and Kooper laugh.

"So! I will join you on your quest," I say, taking Koops' hand in my hands, "whether you think I'm nuts or not."

Koops smiles, making my heart melt yet again. "Do you have any ideas?"

I've got a doozy. "If we're going to stand a chance-wherever we're going; then we need to find Koopook..."

* * *

Finally, I can figure out what these brats of mine have been plotting.

"Let me guess, Junior," I ask my youngest, who has a too-serious frown on his face. "Is it a surprise for my birthday?"

My favorite grunts in response.

"You haven't spoken to anyone in over a week, so I know you're up to something."

"Pop, leave him alone," says Roy, who also has a serious look on his face.

Junior worries around with his Paintbrush...oh. The painting.

"Don't get cocky about my words-I don't make a habit of saying this: I'm...sorry." I. Hate. Apologizing.

"...you don't have to apologize, Papa," says Junior. "I know why you were mad about the painting."

"I'm...glad you understand, son. It's an important historical artifact of the di Cagnazzo bloodline, so I recognize your interest." Actually, I painted it myself when I was Junior's age. It's the reason I'm king today.

It's thanks to my eight scheming children's efforts that I'm closer to ruling the Koopa Empire than ever before.

No more petty infighting between the kingdoms; no more idiotic arranged marriages. Each of my eldest seven has a kingdom of his or her (Wendy, of course) own, and Junior is my heir. I'm already the joint heir to the Empire, along with the ruler of the ninth kingdom...

...Princess Toadstool-my beloved Peach; her kingdom has been my target throughout my children's lives.

"We're still recovering from the setback Mario and his dumb spaceship caused," I say aloud.

"You do that, Papa." Junior finishes his meal and rises from his chair.

"Where are you going, Junior?"

"I've got something important to do." My son bows and leaves the dining hall.

My other hellions make various excuses to leave me to eat with Kamek and Kammy; Roy and Lemmy take their plates with them.

Ludwig whispers into Kammy's ear; the hag nods.

"Sire," she says to me, bowing, "Regent Ludwig and I are working on a project vital to our cause."

Kamek stands up to leave as well. "The crown prince requires my presence, Your Majesty." He and Kammy bow and leave before I can get a word in edgewise.

Damn it! Am I supposed to eat alone?

* * *

"It's really important, Mama Peach." I'm looking at her right now, in a pool of water at Kamek's lab.

"I'm not your mother, remember?" says Peach.

"I know." I smile. She'll be my mama yet. "You want to know why the Koopa Brothers are at your castle when we cause you so much trouble."

"You and your father aren't sorry for any of it, are you?" Peach frowns.

"Nope." I like to bait Mama Peach. It makes me smile. "This isn't about you and Papa, anyway."

"Oh. What is this about then, Your Highness?" Peach asks.

I don't want to talk about this. If I've got to, I'd rather talk to Mama Peach than Papa. "Before I say anything, you've gotta promise not to tell Mario. Don't get him or his brother in this."

"Are you sure?" asks Peach. "Your siblings needed their help to take away those other Koopa rulers' kingdoms." She's still mad about that, and our coronation cake surprise for Papa on her birthday didn't help.

I don't have time to dwell on that. "Promise me!" I demand.

"I..."

* * *

"I promise." I study Junior a moment. His father is such a horrible influence on him...

I shouldn't be worried about Junior, but he is just a child-even if he is a monster. He...looks haunted. "Is your father aware of...whatever's going on? What you're about to tell me?"

"No. And I don't want you telling him, either."

"Listen, young Koopa! I know that Bowser's a terrible father figure, but he cares for you a great deal-as much as his ego will allow. I'm sure he'll want to help you if something's wrong."

"You can't tell Papa!" Junior snarls. "That's final." Oh, he's definitely Bowser's little boy...

"Fine. I won't tell His Majesty. I promise. What is going on?"

Junior trembles, clutching his Paintbrush-the same one he used to frame Mario when we vacationed with Toadsworth at Isle Delfino. "Grandpa," he says through clenched teeth, fighting back tears.

"Your...grandpa?"

"He gave me nightmares that can kill, about this guy." Junior shows me a crayon drawing of...someone dear to me...

I nod.

"I needed to figure it out," continues Junior. "I found out that Grandpa killed your papa when you and Papa were little. Papa got mad and sealed Grandpa inside a painting."

"The seal on the painting: it's getting weaker, isn't it? That's why your grandpa," I continue, shaking, "can send you these nightmares."

"Grandpa's trying to hurt everyone that Papa cares about. I'm not gonna let him hurt my papa."

"That's... Junior, the Mario Brothers really can help-*"

"No! I don't want _them_ to do it!" Junior stomps his feet.

"We don't want the Plumbers involved, Princess," says Roy. "We don't want to waste Pop's time with the fossil, either, so we decided to take care of it ourselves."

"Then why speak with me at all?" I ask.

Ludwig offers to answer. "You are-legally-the queen of the ninth Koopa Kingdom. For a crisis of this magnitude," the oldest Koopaling continues, "we have to get your permission to have Koops, Kooper, Koopie Koo, and Parakarry assist the Koopa Brothers in dispatching our accursed grandfather."

"I...take it that Junior wasn't the only one Bowser's predecessor attacked with nightmares..."

Ludwig nods, along with Larry and Wendy.

"I... I understand. Thank you for confiding in me, Your Highnesses."

"T-thank you, Mama Peach." Junior ends the scrying transmission, still clutching his Paintbrush.

Those...poor children...

* * *

A Toad guardsman shows up. "Her Highness requests the presence of the Koopas Koops and Red in her chambers."

Koops and I nod, and we follow the Toad.

All right! It's about time something happened. Bad enough that it took forever for Koops to fork over the letter from Junior; then she was in there with it for... It seemed like hours.

We enter Princess Peach's study. She's wearing a different dress: her white one with red trim.

"She looks kind of upset," Koops whispers to me, "so, um, could you avoid putting your foot in your mouth?"

"Hey-you're the one who can barely utter syllables in her presence."

I face Princess Peach. "Hi!" I grin.

Peach frowns.

"Wow! The last time I was in here," I continue, "me and my brothers were showing His Awesomeness our signature..." Ooh. Peach doesn't look happy about that.

Koops facepalms my stupid attempt to break the ice. I'd like to see him do better.

"May I come with you?" Peach asks.

Say what?

"W-why would you want to, um, Your Highness?" asks Koops.

"The monster in the painting... He killed my father."

"Painting?" I shake my head. "Just throw some turpentine on it and call it a day."

"That would break the seal and free Bowser's father," says Peach, clarifying who the monster is.

I'm such an idiot sometimes. The whole "trapping Bowser's dad in a painting" bit makes no sense, so I didn't really follow everything the Highnesses said at Shwonk Fortress. Usually Black keeps me on point, but he's been...touchy lately.

Still, if King Bowser's dad is in that painting, I've got to go in there now. Hell, the whole reason the old Koot hates His Majesty is because of that guy.

A lot of good Koopas in both kingdoms died that day, when King Bowser's dad killed Daibara. Wasn't His Majesty's fault, though: he was only a little kid back then.

"I don't blame Bowser himself for my father's death; his own attacks against my kingdom makes that quite unnecessary." Her Highness smirks at me. Crazy woman.

"Uh...yeah. With all due respect, Your Highness," I say to Peach, "you can't come with us. If you come, then the Mario Brothers will think His Majesty..."

"...kidnapped you again," finishes Koops as he glares at me. "It would be a mess, and it would make our, um, job...much harder. That's, um...if you'll let us do this."

"On one condition." Princess Peach removes her white cloak, and places it on Koops. "I'm appointing you as Blue General of the Ninth Kingdom," she says, "to act on my behalf. I hereby decree this in my royal prerogative as Queen Fifi de Valvalvis de la Rosa Kainazzo and as Peach, Princess Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom."

Koops nods, then drops to one knee.

Peach retrieves a red cloak. "As for you," she says to me, "I hereby appoint you Red General, by the power vested in me as joint heir to the Koopa Imperial throne with His Majesty, Bowser di Cagnazzo."

I drop to one knee. Whoa. If she's digging into formal royal titles, this is serious. On the other hand, my rank as Red General (and what a perfect color for me!) means I outrank Dad!

That is so awesome!

"The two of you may go." Peach nods; Koops and I stand, bow, and leave.

I won't let Peach down. She's going to be our queen and empress someday.

**END OF CHAPTER**

AN: This does hint at why Koops wears a band-aid, and why Koopie Koo nearly plowed through said boyfriend during that scene in TTYD.

As for Jagger (SMRPG), the Koopa Bros., and Koopa Koot (PM64) being related: I think it ties the first Mario RPG and its spiritual sequel together. Also, look at Kooper and Koopley(Koops' dad): aside from the bushy eyebrows and a bit more green to his shell (ignoring the graphical upgrade btwn N64 & GAMECUBE); they have to be family.


	3. Chapter 2: Storming the Painted Castle

_**Shell Shock**_

_byline_: Anubis C. Soundwave

CHAPTER 2: Storming the Painted Castle.

I've snuck and hid and hid and snuck my way through life, ever since that fateful day when I played hide-and-seek back home. That's why I'm the Hide and Seek Koopa.

Hiding can be fun, intoxicating.

Not today. Hide-and-seek's not a game anymore, not in this place. It's pure survival.

I really hope that Koops can find me. If the ruler of this painting world finds me instead, I won't be "it". I'll be done for.

* * *

Koopook came through. He sent us the layout we need.

I read the email aloud to the team.

"He's scared," says Koopie Koo.

"I don't blame him," I say as I hook the Mailbox SP to a printer. "I told him to get out of there."

"We may need him as a guide to the place," says Black. "Maps can only do so much."

I glare at Black. "It'll have to do. Koopook's done more than enough for us."

Koopie Koo trembles. "Oh, Koops! I should never have asked him to... ."

"Take it easy, Koopie; it made sense at the time." I hug my girlfriend.

"Now we know what we're up against," adds Red. I know he's trying to comfort her, too-in his way.

"We mustn't dwell on this, everyone," says Jagger, giving Red the much-needed "shut up" look. "Let us proceed to the painting, and the castle."

"How do we get past His Awesomeness, Dad?" asks Yellow. He and Jagger turn to look at me.

"Um...Princess Peach said she'd take care of Bowser. And the Mario Brothers," I add.

* * *

This handheld mirror is a royal heirloom Mother gave me on my birthday. Seven gems adorn the mirror's face: diamond, emerald, topaz, ruby, sapphire, garnet, and crystal; surrounding the glass. 

I hate lying to my friends, although it's necessary. I hate lying to Bowser for a completely different reason: I'd be no better than him.

Bowser arrives at the edge of the forest, wearing a cape. "Your Highness."

I curtsy. "Your Majesty."

Mario and Luigi arrive, confused about Bowser for obvious reasons.

"He was invited for once." I smile to reassure Mario.

"Yeah-take it easy," Bowser grins. "We're quest buddies."

"Positively _**World of Warcraft**_-esque." Luigi rolls his eyes. "Wario would have been better to find coins, though."

"We aren't searching for coins," I state. "We're hunting artifacts of historical value to both of our kingdoms."

"That's one you've got in your hand," says Bowser. "Barbariccia's Sun Mirror."

I stare in shock, while Luigi looks around in fear. "Bowser," I say as I regain my calm. "In the Mushroom Kingdom, the true names of the Four are not to be spoken lightly."

Bowser scoffs at my words. "I've been saying the name of my patron star for years, and nothing remotely destructive and epic has happened."

"Subtle," says Mario.

"Funny, Plumber," says Bowser, catching Mario's hint. "However, if you'd quit interfering with my awesome schemes, I'd rule this world."

"Not a chance," counters Mario.

"Peach: are you sure that you want me to find Cagnazzo's Sword of the Serpent?" Bowser continues, choosing to ignore Mario. "I'll use it to conquer your kingdom-fair warning."

I don't doubt the Koopa King one bit. It's a small price to pay, however, when I consider the alternative...

* * *

Koopook leaves the painting world, to our relief. Koops hugs him.

Red and Black roll their eyes at simple tenderness.

I scowl at them, while Koops releases a distraught Koopook. "Is it standard Koopa Troop policy to be as obnoxious as possible?" I ask.

Black looks at the ground, suitably embarassed.

Red fixes his eyes on me, arrogant as ever. "We're expected to be tough and cool. That huggy-feely stuff ain't cool."

"I'm certain my dad would love to hear that," I smile thinly.

"And my mom," adds Koops. "Koopatrol."

"Hm. That explains a lot." Red shrugs. He's an infuriating Koopa, that Red.

* * *

"How did they land in a group of Fuzzies?" Koops asks.

"I...I don't know." I'm a terrible liar. "Maybe they lost their map."

Koops scowls at me, takes out a fire flower, and fries the Fuzzies. The Koopa Brothers grab their shells back.

"I want you to apologize to the Koopa Brothers. Now." Koops isn't too happy about my prank.

"B-but I didn't-*"

"Now."

Fine. I approach Red, still fuming over losing his shell to a Fuzzy.

"Oh. You. Came to rub it in, twerp?" Red asks.

"Vengeance is sweet," I grin. "But I was told to say I'm sorry, so: I'm sorry."

"Stow your fake apology. We'll get you back."

"What are you talking about? We're totally even."

"Don't sleep at night," says Black. "That's all I've got to say to you."

"Let it go!" says Koops. "We don't have time for these stupid pranks!"

"Hey! We could have been killed!" counters Red.

"You started the damned prank years ago, when you unleashed the Fuzzies on Koopa Village," Koops points out.

"Yeah-Koopa Village," says Red, tense with anger...and worry. "Where nothing ever happens...and no one would get hurt."

"So says the lead ninja creep who works for Bowser."

Jagger stands between Koops and Red, glaring at Koops. "Say what you wish against my sons, young Koopa," says Jagger, "but do not even hint at disrespect toward His Majesty. I will not stand for it."

"It's okay, Dad." Red smirks at Koops. "The Petalburg kid's hissy fit won't affect Bowser's coolness one bit." He leaves with the other Koopa Brothers.

"Sir." Koops stares at Jagger. "Your sons...are hard to deal with. As for Bowser...? I don't understand him, I guess."

"His Majesty has his reasons for his actions. Whether I agree with him or not, I don't consider it my place to judge him."

"Because he's your king."

"More important than that: because he is a living soul." Jagger leaves the two of us.

"I bet you feel crummy right now, huh?" Koops asks me.

I nod and follow after the Koopa Brothers. I need to try that apology again.

* * *

Dumb blue-shell. "Persistent, ain't you?" I ask Kooper.

The twerp starts to say something, but drops his thought.

"We really don't care if you don't like us," says Black, wincing.

"Your shell's still bugging you, bro?" asks Green.

"It's...it's my back, okay?" Black glares at Kooper.

What's going on with Black? Seriously, I've never seen him this moody before.

"What do you want, runt?" I demand.

"I wanted to apologize. For real this time." Kooper bows.

My eyes widen at this.

"Don't misunderstand-I'm still going to pay you back for the Fuzzy thing. This just isn't the time or place," continues Kooper.

I extend my hand toward Kooper, and we shake hands. "We aren't friends or anything," I say, "but we'll take your apology for what it's worth."

Kooper sighs. "Truce?"

"Truce."

Kooper lingers, his face scrunched in confusion.

"Why are you still here?" asks Yellow. "Scamper on to your friends."

"Um...can I talk to Red alone, please?" Kooper asks.

"No," says Black.

"I could have said that myself, thanks," I say to Black.

Kooper frowns.

"Seriously," I tell Kooper. "Go away."

* * *

My sons return, in better spirits than before. Koops is asleep beside the girl.

Kooper glances at the five of us with a mix of blame and confusion, but is otherwise lost in thought. Pete and the Shady Koopa, Slim, spar with Kent.

Red laughs. "They are not getting past Kent's defense with those junior-league moves."

"Yeah," adds Black. "No wonder Goldie's in the minor leagues."

"You're not being fair," I counter. "They don't know Kent's weakness."

"Part of the training exercise is to, like, analyze an opponent for weaknesses," says Yellow.

"If these so-called combat sports professionals are supposed to train us and these other guys," Green adds, nodding towards Kooper and his friends, "then they don't need us to lead them by the hand."

Pete uses a Sleepy Sheep against Kent and Slim follows up with a POW Block. With Kent safely asleep, Pete and Slim target Kent's tail, each Koopa swigging a Power Punch to boost their attack.

Pete and Slim defeat Kent; my sons' mouths hang open in shock.

I hit Red in his mouth.

"Ow! Sheesh, Dad!" Red whines. "What?"

"What have I told the four of you?" I ask.

"'Study your opponent. Learn from your opponent. Respect your opponent. Never underestimate your opponent.'" My sons sigh in unison.

I look into Red's eyes. "Remember that lesson well, and a pop on the beak will be your only reminder."

I gaze at the castle in the distance, where our target resides. A day's travel.

Be strong, my sons.

* * *

"K, What did we get ourselves into?" says Slim.

I chuckle. "What's the matter, dog? Afraid I'll reach the major league?"

"I'm afraid we'll both die, man."

"Chill out. We're just here to train the Ninja Turtle wannabes." I shake my head at the sleeping Koopa Brothers. "Wonder if anybody told them that the Turtles had several video games back in the day?"

"This business is scarier than Bowser's Dinosaur World Offensive, and a Yoshi almost digested my shell back then."

"We can do this thing, man."

"Isn't Gonzales the expert at fighting K-Royals?" asks Slim.

"Big G can fight anybody, dog, no doubt. This thing, though, is our fight."

Slim stares at me.

"Look, man: I wanted a piece of this guy ever since he killed my daddy."

"Whoa. When did that happen?" asks Slim.

I shake my head. "Bowser still had his shell clinging to his tail."

It happened the day I hatched. This clown we're attacking now: he called all of his soldiers worthless and killed them after Daibara's army sent him back to the Dark Lands. Magikoopas, Troopas, Lakitu: they all got waxed. One of those soldiers...was my daddy.

That's how Mama told it; that's why she had to raise me alone.

That's why these four Koopa Village kids and their daddy think Bowser's a hero. Bowser sealed that dude inside this painting world, so...

...he probably is.

* * *

Finally.

We're at the gate of the castle, ready to storm the lair of His Awesomeness' rotten excuse of a father.

I've got some burning questions. Why is he such a heartless monster?

It's okay to be evil, but as I've learned from King Bowser, even evil has standards.

Where'd he take our mom?

This creep snatched Mom away just as I hatched, yanking her right into this stupid and scary painting world. The others were still in their shells, so they barely remember her voice, and they never saw her face. Mom's face, frozen in fear, is my first memory.

I'll find Mom, or I'll die trying.

The concerned look on His Majesty's face-as he held me in his arms: that's my second memory. Koops-and stupid Kooper: they'd never think Bowser could protect anybody. Dad and I believe in him-we've seen him in action as a king, and so do my brothers.

I'll never give up on His Majesty. The Koopa Brothers will defend the king and his family to the end, and we'll prove our worth to the Koopa Troop once and for all to boot!

But now, I've got another burning question...

"Bombette! What are you doing here?" balks Kooper.

My question exactly.

The little pink Bob-omb hellion glares at us.

**END OF CHAPTER**

AN: My apologies for the late update.

For TTYD fans, Koopook-the Hide-and-Seek Koopa!

That's a freebie. Let me know in your reviews if you spot any other Mario game references.

As for the quest in Scene Three, you'll read that in FINAL FANTASY OF FOUR-coming at some point in the future.

Thank you for reading. Please tell me what you think.


	4. Chapter 3: Have You Seen This Koopa?

_**Shell Shock**_

_byline_: Anubis C. Soundwave

CHAPTER 3: Have You Seen This Koopa?

"I'm not going anywhere!" I shrieked. Make no mistake: I won't budge until I know what in Desert Land is going on here.

"I'm just...hanging out. With Cousin Koops," Kooper adds, noting the hooded Koopa.

"Right. That doesn't explain the Koopa Brothers."

"We don't have to explain ourselves to a psycho like you," says Red, the jerk.

"Wanna bet!" I hiss, ready to explode.

"No!" says Black. "We want you gone!" 

"Um...why don't we just leave?" says Koops, the cousin. "Let's defuse the situation before it gets worse."

"Fine." Red shrugs, and the whole party just leaves.

I follow them into the castle, determined to get to the bottom of this.

Red pops in front of me. "Go away! I don't care where, but you've got to go."

"Not happening, ninja-boy. I haven't forgotten what you goons did to me and my friends back at that ratty old fortress."

"I still remember that you tried to kill us," counters Black.

"You were working us too hard!" And my fuse is lit...

"Hey," says Green, picking me up, "take it easy. If you had said something, instead of blowing up at us-*"

"Literally," spits Red.

"-then we wouldn't have felt threatened." Green gives me a gentle smile.

"I...I was just so exhausted at the time..."

Red grabs me out of Green's arms, then chucks me out of a window. "Hah! Now you can get so much rest that I hope you choke on it!"

That...arrogant...

I look around, realizing that when Red threw me out of the castle, I rolled into a forest.

Great. Now I'm lost.

The Koopa Brothers will pay.

* * *

"Professor? Did Koops say anything about where he was headed, or what his research was about?" asks Goombella.

"I won't answer your questions until we reach the Juice Bar at Glitzville," says Frankly. "Were you able to contact everyone like I asked?"

"Yes, sir. Kenshiro will take a break after his bout with the Poker Faces," says Goombella. "He wants to train on Twilight Trail to prepare himself against 'The Executioner's Apprentice'."

"How strong is the Apprentice?"

"He's a Hyper Goomba who knows Tattle and Multibonk."

I decide to reveal my presence. "Sounds like our little Yoshi's in for a serious fight."

Unfortunately, so does my husband. "What's GJ's badge build?" he asks

"I don't know," says Goombella.

"Honey," I sigh, "who's minding the Lovely Howz of Badges?"

"Not to worry, dear: I put in a request at the Trouble Center. A little tyke named Watt's got security covered. Besides, Rina," continues my hubby, "it's been ages since we've had a real badge hunt adventure, and I've got a nose for these kind of things."

I nod. I love my husband, but though he has many fine qualities, badge-hunting prowess isn't one of them.

"What about Bobbery?" asks Frankly, returning the conversation to our comrades. "He was a veteran of the Dark Land offensive during the Koopa Kingdom's attempt on the kings of Mushroom World."

Goombella's eyes widen. "Wow. I wonder if he and Mario ever did battle."

"Nah; Mario probably used a P-Wing to get over the tanks."

"No way. Mario told me that Luigi got past the gunboats somehow. Mario used the P-Wing on the air force after losing eight extra lives to that group."

"Yeah; Rocky Wrenches can be a pain." Frankly grins. "Did Mario say anything about Kuribo's Shoe?"

"Oh, come on, Professor! That thing's a total myth. If it were real, Goombas from Bowser's army would have confirmed it years ago. My mom fought in the Sky Land offensive, and she's still giving me grief over helping Mario...you know...save the whole world from eternal darkness."

"It was a different time."

"But you didn't know anything about Mario when you first met him," notes Goombella.

"One: from my Koopa Troop affiliated friends' descriptions, I was expecting a strong and vicious killer, not a friendly overweight plumber with a high-tenor voice and Italian accent. Two: I'm an academic who spent most of his life in Rogueport."

"You haven't seen Mario fight for keeps." Goombella sighs. "Let's just say he earns his 'Executioner From Hell' title, and leave it at that."

"In that case, wouldn't that point to Kuribo's Shoe being real? Probably a Koopa Kingdom cover-up," says Frankly.

"I asked Mario about it, but he never found it. He says that Luigi told him about the Shoe; unfortunately," Goombella continues, "Luigi's...a bit of a liar-so I doubt that the Shoe exists."

"It does seem incredible," adds Flurrie.

It seems that we're going to debate the existence of Kuribo's Shoe all the way to Glitzville.

* * *

"Where the heck are you going?" demands my next opponent, Kenshiro-who probably still needs his diaper changed.

"To the Juice Bar, because I'm thirsty. Then I'll stop for a couple of Hot Dogs on the way back so that I can knock you down a peg, Gonzalez Junior. Any more questions?" I ask the Yoshi.

"Plenty! I'm headed to the Juice Bar myself to get geared for training-to beat you."

"Ask away right now, kiddo."

"How can you call yourself the Great Gonzalez' apprentice? I was there for his rise to fame and glory before I even hatched!"

"I was fighting with 'The Great Gonzalez' before your egg was laid. Respect your elders."

"Save it for the ring, Goomba-boy. That's when I will end you."

"Spare me. I know everything that Mario knows. We fought Bowser together when Bowser was invincible with the Star Rod."

"Big deal. We fought Bowser twice-and the second time, he had an old lady Magikoopa to buff him."

"Her name is Kammy, and she built an entire arena that buffed Bowser-who already had the Star Rod, may I add."

"Dude, we had to fight a 1,000-year old shadow demon who possessed Princess Peach."

"The Shadow Queen? Hah!" I roll my eyes. "As far as I'm concerned, she debuffed herself the moment she wanted to use her 'full power' on your team."

"What?" spits Kenshiro.

"Living in the Mushroom Kingdom, I know things about Peach. Her magic is broken, and her attack with a Frying Pan is not to be trifled with. Bowser kidnaps her on a regular basis."

Kenshiro shakes his head dismissively.

"Think about it. You said yourself that your group and Mario had to fight Bowser twice; the second time, with Kammy.

"So?"

"Was it at the Palace of Shadow?"

"Yeah! Bowser crashed in just as Fishbowl Head was gonna zap us all with his cane. Then the jerk decides to fight us without even giving us a chance to heal!"

"My point is made."

"What?"

"Enemies in dungeons tend to respawn. That means that Bowser and Kammy had to waltz through both parts of the Palace of Shadow."

Kenshiro's eyes widen.

"I know. I trained at the Palace of Shadow to prepare for the Glitz Pit. The only place with stronger enemies is the Pit of 100 below West Rogueport. You have no idea how disappointed I am in most of the fighters here. Maybe I'm overleveled, but I had a harder time fighting Jr. Troopa."

"Relax. Your 'disappointment' ends when I beat you." Kenshiro grins, smug.

I shake my head. "You won't beat me."

"Please. You can Tattle me and Charge yourself until TEC can detect you from the moon; you'll never win."

"I'll tell you my strategy: one good Multibonk is all I need to do you in. I had a harder time with the Armored Harriers."

"Dude, nobody can get past the Armored Harriers without Gulp. They're beef gates."

"I'm in the major leagues, while they're not. And I did this without the Champ hand-holding me."

"I know you have a killer badge setup," says Kenshiro, "and when I figure out how to counter it, you're done."

Kenshiro and I continue with Mario comparison stories and good-natured trash talk even as the Cheep Blimp arrives.

We never did go inside the Juice Bar, now that I think about it.

* * *

My friends and my opponent have been in the Juice Bar, and only after thirty minutes of Frankly and Goombella arguing about a giant green shoe that may or may not exist do I hear anything about Koops.

"Dude! Koops went on an adventure, and he didn't even tell us? Weak!" I glare at Frankly.

"I'm honestly not quite sure what it's all about-the group took my books and hustled me back into the blue pipe before I could even ask," grunts the professor.

"What did the Koopas with Koops look like?"

"One was Koops' girlfriend," says Frankly. "There were four Koopas in turtlenecks-red shell, black shell, yellow shell, and green shell. There was also a blue shell-he had on a red scarf."

"Kooper?" asks Goombario, AKA the so-called 'Executioner's Apprentice'.

"That's the guy with the red scarf. And I bet that the four jerks with the turtlenecks are Bowser's Teenage Mutant Ninja Fanboys-the Koopa Bros."

"I wouldn't know," says Frankly. "There was this Koopa hatchling with a Magikoopa rod..."

"Jr. Troopa," says Goombario.

"And a Paratroopa with goggles and a mailbag, railing about Koops' Mailbox SP."

"Parakarry," Goombario continues. "He's gotta get with the times; the poor guy is starting to sound like my dad."

Frankly rambles on. "They did say something about meeting two pro Glitz Pit fighters at Shwonk Fortress, but you two are right here."

"Then let's head to Shwonk Fortress," I say. "A bunch of red-shells hang out there, and they might know what's going on."

"May I come? Kooper and Parakarry are friends of mine," continues Goombario. "I'm worried about what the Koopa Bros. are planning for them."

"He claims to be the Great Gonzalez' apprentice," I quip to Goombella, "so Goombario might be useful."

"You're pressing your luck, Kenshiro," scowls Goombario. "Who named you, anyway?"

Goombella smiles at Goombario. "Mario named him when he hatched."

Goombario gives us a sheepish smile. "Oh..."

"Take it easy," says Flurrie. "A friend of our darling Mario is a friend of ours."

"Then let's go to Shwonk Fortress!" I grin. "To the Cheep Blimp!"

* * *

"We ain't got nothin' to say to friends of Mario!" A spike-helmeted Goomba glares at us.

I polish my sunglasses. "Come on. Can't we be cool about this? We're just looking for some Koopas-"

"Ain't...sayin'...nothin', cloud-boy! Now take a hike!" The Spiky Goomba walks away.

"That was worthless," says Goombella. "The Koopas here won't say anything either."

"Why not ask my grandpa?" says a walking cloud. "He knows everything."

"Who is this guy?" asks Kenshiro. "He looks like cotton candy."

"He could mean Huff N. Puff," I note, "though he never mentioned having a grandson."

"I don't know anybody named Huff N. Puff. Besides," continues the cloud, "my grandpa's a frog. He lives in Tadpole Pond."

"But...you're a cloud..." Goombario stares at the cloud.

"I know. Wild, huh? My name's Mallow. Nice to meet you."

"Dude!" Kenshiro's eyes shine. "You're the prince of that cloud kingdom. You and the Great Gonzales fought off Smithy!"

"Bowser and Princess Toadstool helped..."

"Whoa-hold it. Who the heck is Princess Toadstool? I thought Peach was there," says Kenshiro, confused.

"Who's Peach?" counters Mallow.

Goombella sighs. "Same person. Mallow, we haven't called Peach by the royal title of 'Toadstool' in years. Totally passe."

"Oh." Mallow laughs. "That's a relief. Peach is a prettier name."

"So, who is this frog grandpa?" asks Flurrie.

"Frogfucius."

"You know Frogfucius?" gasps Professor Frankly.

Mallow nods. "Obviously, he's not really my grandpa, but he raised me ever since I was a baby."

"I think we should go to Tadpole Pond, everyone," says Ms. Mowz. "This is the best lead we have."

"Not only that," adds Kenshiro, "but I wanna hear about all of his adventures with the Great Gonzales."

"Okay." Mallow joins our group. "I do have a question, though."

"What?" says Kenshiro.

"Who's the 'Great Gonzales'?"

"Mario!" we shout in unison after we recover from our collective facefault.

Mallow stares at us. "Huh? Mario's Italian, not Spanish."

"It's a long story..." Goombella relates this story to Mallow as we leave Shwonk Fortress for Tadpole Pond.

**END OF CHAPTER**

AN: Quite a few Super Mario Bros. 3 references at the beginning, huh? And then I have the nerve to have Goombario and the Baby Yoshi compare their Great Gonzalez Experience.

Finally, Mallow joins the party!

(Regrettably for either the teenage Goomba or the Yoshi hatchling, a brainwashed Luigi with an unlimited supply of Shroom Shakes and overpowered Spring Jumps at 0FP cost trumps both Shadow Peach and Star Rod Giga Bowser (based on my own sad, weak playthroughs of all three Paper Mario games).)


	5. Chapter 4: Overstated Satisfaction

_**Shell Shock**_

_byline_: Anubis C. Soundwave

CHAPTER 4: Overstated Satisfaction.

"According to Koopook's notes," I say, "the best place to hide in this castle is the kitchen."

"Really?" Red stares at me. "Let me look at those notes, doll-face."

"Don't patronize me! It makes sense when you think about it. The Koopa King we're dealing with isn't like Bowser at all," I continue, "so the kitchen would never see use. We can make healing items there."

"She has a point, Red," says Black. "It's a solid base of operations."

Red shrugs. "I don't see the point in hiding at all, Koopie."

"I do," counters Koops. "We may have trained for this, but we're still outnumbered. We have to fight hardened Koopa veterans."

"But the Royal Highnesses sent us because we're the best. Plus we've got Kammy and the Twerp with us."

Jr. Troopa shakes his staff. "Watch it pal. I'm your black mage and your worst nightmare."

Kooper rolls his eyes. "Yeah; we're really quaking in terror," he says in deadpan.

The young Koopa notes Kooper's sarcasm. "Shut up! Shut! Up!"

"Everyone shut up!" says Koops. I love the way he's taking charge here-he's not usually this assertive. "We're deep in enemy territory."

"You're not the only Koopa in charge here," says Red.

"Then lead by example...and shut up." Koops reaches the kitchen door.

Parakarry opens the door and sniffs. "Mm... Someone's..."

* * *

"...baking a cake...?" It smells so yummy...

"Stay sharp, everyone," says Jagger. "We don't know who we may face."

"Could be Gourmet Guy for all we know, Dad." Black shakes his head.

We all enter the kitchen, watching a Paratroopa pull a freshly baked cake out of the oven.

He notices us. "Oh! Hello! Did you soldiers want to try some cake?"

Slim scowls. "No thanks. I've sworn off cake for life."

"Who are you?" adds Koops.

"Me? Oh, I'm just the royal chef. Someone cleaned the kitchen, and I haven't baked a cake since the queen died." The Paratroopa smiles, gesturing towards a pile of completed cakes. "I was so ecstatic that I...got a bit carried away."

"Uh, we'll leave you to whatever you're doing," says Koops.

"That's great. Would you like to take some cake with you?"

"That won't be necess-*"

Green cuts Koops off. "Would we ever?" he says. He must really like cake.

Then again, Kooper and I both love cake.

Especially Kooper. "Look, Koops: it has chocolate cookie crumbles on the bottom, just like Tayce T's back home."

"And the icing's made with fresh cream," adds Green.

"Oh...and the juicy strawberry on top," says Yellow, about to down his piece of cake in one gulp.

Red snatches the cake. "Hang on a minute." He turns to the chef. "You eat first. One of our friends here has had a bad experience with cake," he adds, nodding to Slim.

"You don't...trust me...?" The chef looks pretty sad.

"He doesn't," says Koops. "The rest of us just want you to enjoy a slice of your hard work," he adds with a grin, handing the chef the slice of cake Red snatched from Yellow.

The chef sighs. "You're all really nice Koopas, so if it'll ease your minds..." The chef eats the cake with relish.

"What's your name?" I ask.

"Me? Well, around here, Koopas are normally called by their Imperial names; for example, the young lady's name would be Nokorin. I'm Patajinpo."

Koopie looks pretty sour. "Only my dad calls me 'Nokorin'."

"It could be worse," I grin. "Your Imperial name could be 'Paretta'."

"Let's just say that Imperial Koopa names are stupid, unimaginative, or unpronounceable and move on," scowls Koops.

"Of course you'd say that, 'Nokotaro'," quips Kooper.

"Shut up, 'Kameki'!" says Koops, fuming in embarrassment.

"How do you know Koopie's Imperial name in the first place?" asks Black, setting aside his cake. I take the cake and wolf it down. So tasty...

"Your group's actually quite popular around these parts," says Patajinpo.

"Ah..." Koops frowns. "We'd better get going."

"Thanks for the cake," adds Red, grabbing all the extra cake in a sack. "You're a real patriot." He scarfs a slice down as we leave Patajinpo and the kitchen.

* * *

We enter Tadpole Pond. It's been a while since I visited.

Grandpa floats toward us. "Mallow! Always glad to see you drop by. You even brought Frankly with you."

"Uh-huh, and some other friends of Mario."

"I know. I need to talk with you."

"Awesome!" says Kenshiro, about to jump on the tadpole bridge.

"Only Mallow, little Yoshi."

Kenshiro sighs dramatically. "Weaksauce!"

"I'll be right back," I say, hopping slowly towards Grandpa's island.

When we reach the island, Grandpa takes out a bottle, removing a letter from it.

He hands me the letter; I open and read it.

"Wow... This is serious. I guess I'd better do what she says, huh, Grandpa?"

"Under the circumstances, Mallow, that's the best plan."

"I'll get on the Bus right now. Stall them for me, okay, Grandpa?"

He nods as I leave; the first tadpole decides to carry me to the shore.

I grew up around frogs and tadpoles my whole life, yet I still can't jump. It's so embarrassing.

* * *

"Something came up, uh, back at home in Nimbus Land; I can't stick around." Mallow winces, clearly hiding something.

"Did you find out where Koops and the others are?" asks the professor.

Mallow's Royal Bus arrives and Mallow hops on; two cloud retainers block our way on."

"Sorry, guys; I've gotta go!" With that, the Royal Bus speeds off into the heavens.

"Jeez! This is so lame, Goombella!" spits Kenshiro.

"I know! Professor Frankly," I ask, "why are we getting the run-around?"

"I don't have a clue."

"You know what? I'm going to call Mario and ask him." I take out my Mailbox SP...only to find that it has several messages from...Bombette?

* * *

Finally! I got a response.

It's from Goombella. I figured that she'd have an SP:

_**KURISUCHI**: I don't recognize the IP address-it's not from the Mushroom Kingdom. Where are you?_

_**PINKY**: In the Darklands, sort of. I'm inside a painting._

_**KURISUCHI**: Like the painting worlds Bowser created when he took over Peach's castle and stole the Power Stars there?_

_**PINKY**: Wow, you're smart! Yeah, it's a world like that._

_**KURISUCHI**: Have you seen Koops, Koopie Koo, Kooper, or Parakarry?_

_**PINKY**: All four - along with the Koopa Brothers... *-O!_

_**KURISUCHI**: We're heading to the Darklands. Bowser's castle, right?_

_**PINKY**: Yep._

_**KURISUCHI**: Exit the world and stand outside the painting, Bombette; we'll meet you there._

_**PINKY**: Great._

I still can't stand the Koopa Brothers, but they dragged Kooper into something dangerous. They're getting our help whether they want it or not.

* * *

"Eat the Healthy Salad. Now," Koops commands.

"Okay... But can I have another bite of cake first?" asks Parakarry.

"No. It's poisoned. We've fully established that fact."

"It was such delicious cake..." Parakarry eats his Salad.

"That's why I don't eat cake anymore," adds Slim.

"I don't get it! You and Red made sure that Patajinpo ate the cake," I note, eating my Salad. "He didn't have any Tasty Tonic or Super Soda on him."

"He probably had on a Feeling Fine badge," says Black.

"I can't believe the cake is actually a lie," Red groans. "A delicious lie..."

"With chocolate cookie crumbles," I add.

"Don't forget the fresh cream icing," continues Green.

"And the strawberries. The cake was just so yummy," says Yellow.

"So - in addition to outdated Portal references - I take it that Black, Slim, Koopie Koo, and I are the only ones who don't have to purge a cake-induced poison effect when those guards arrive." Koops sighs. "Was it worth it, Kooper?"

I grin as I continue eating my Salad. "I regret nothing!"

* * *

"Goomba lady, do you have any idea what we went through to get here?" says Kenshiro.

"That's Sergeant Goomba Lady to you," scowls a blonde Spiked Goomba. "Were you raised in a barn."

"Nope! The Glitz Pit!"

"Is that supposed to have any meaning, child?"

"I don't know," says Goombella. "I thought you'd be a commissioned officer with this stupid outfit by now, Mom."

The Goomba sergeant sighs. "I'm not going to argue with you, Goombella," she smiles thinly. "You and your friends are not authorized to be here, and we demand that you all leave."

Goombella turns to a Hammer Brother. "Do you know that your daughter's in that painting?"

"Yes, I do know. She and Koops volunteered. I'm proud of them both."

"As am I," adds Koops' mom, a Koopatrol.

"You again?" sighs Goombario.

"You fought her too?" asks Goombella.

"I'd say that Mario's a horrid influence on today's youth," says Koops' mom. Goombella's mom nods in agreement.

This prattle has gone on long enough. "Please, listen, everyone. We just want to go in and help them."

"I'm sorry, professor." Goombario's dad emerges from the group.

"Goompapa?" Goombario's eyes widen in shock. "I thought they released you from service!"

"I thought so, too, son." Goombario's dad glares at Goombella's mom. "Nonetheless, I agree with them on this point: it's too dangerous for you and your friends."

"But Kooper and Parakarry are also my friends, and neither of them would volunteer to help the Koopa Brothers."

"I'm as surprised as anybody about Parakarry's involvement," says Sergeant Flutter, "but he and Kooper did agree to help once apprised of the situation."

"Could you at least tell us what the situation is?" I ask. "Why are those Koopas in such a dangerous place?

"They are on a mission for the Royal Highnesses," Goombella's mom answers. "At present, we don't have the liberty to give you any further details. Now leave."

"We can't do that." Goombario glares at his dad. "I'm sorry, but we're going to have to fight."

"Let's get it done," says Kenshiro.

"That won't be necessary," says an ignited Bombette.

The pink Bob-omb explodes, knocking aside the small regiment.

"We need to talk about restraint." Goombario leaves a mushroom for his dad.

"I'm sorry; it was the best idea I had," Bombette frowns.

"We can hash it out inside the painting," says Goombella. "Let's move."

**END OF CHAPTER**

AN: "Imperial Koopa" is simply characters' Japanese names: an ordinary Koopa would be "nokonoko", a Paratroopa "patapata", a Goomba "kuribo", a Shy Guy "heiho", and so forth. Hence, the reason why Goombella and Bombette's "Mailbox SP" exchange had the screen handles of KURISUCHI (Kurisuchinu or "Christine") and PINKY (yes, "Pinky" is Bombette's JPN name).

Once again, readers will note that some parents of certain PM partners actually are faithful Koopa Troopers.

As to why Goombario's dad (who is emphatically NOT in with the previous set of Koopa Troop parents) had ever served in the Koopa Troop: he was forcibly drafted into the Troop to be Goomba #272 in Super Mario Bros. 3.

Finally, the cake bit with Slim. For TTYD veterans: Slim's the Shady Koopa you fight in Glitzville. The Great Gonzales' team twice receives a tasty cake; the second cake is poisoned. If you leave the second cake alone, "Slim" eats the cake-and is duly poisoned when you win your bout. Talk to him and he swears off cake forever.


	6. Chapter 5: Evil Versus Evil

_**Shell Shock**_

byline: Anubis Soundwave

CHAPTER 5: Evil Versus Evil.

"This way," hisses a bedraggled Koopa, beckoning to Koops and Red, "if you idiots value your lives."

"Why should we trust you?" snorts Red. "I'll take my chances in a fight! Come on, bros!" he says, calling to the other Koopa Brothers. "Let's show these amateurs what we're made of."

"Okay," says Green, "but keep in mind these guys took out Kent and Kammy."

"We have the power of teamwork on our side, dude," counters Yellow. "Don't go all Luigi on us."

I roll my eyes at my brothers' antics, then clutch my shell. "You guys...will have to pull off our signature attack without me," I groan, in pain.

"Aw, come on, Black!" spits Red, agitated.

"Your mother's a _patapata_," says the bedraggled Koopa.

"What do you know about our mom!?" demands Red.

"That's...a good question, Red," I wince. "Maybe we should follow him to find out what he knows...rather than fight all of these soldiers when we're not at full strength."

"Black's wings are coming in," says Parakarry.

"What...?" wonders Red, staring at me and Parakarry.

"Like mine did," says Koopie Koo, floating above us with her new wings. "Unfortunately for the jerks coming after us," she adds with a smirk, "my daddy's a Hammer Brother." Pulling out a set of hammers, Koopie Koo pelts the first wave of Koopatrols.

"Stay on her good side, Koops," I grin as my wings sprout.

Koops smiles. "I...do my best," he says.

"Oh, this is just peachy," snorts Red. "We can't pull off our signature attack!"

"It's just a stacked Power Shell attack," says Kooper. "If Koops or I take Black's position in your tower, it should work."

"Cute theory," says Yellow, "but it took years for us to develop our Super Spinning technique."

"And stack ourselves to do it," says Black.

"It involves a lot of teamwork and trust," says Red, "and we don't trust you Mario fanboys that far."

Pete shakes his head, then nods to Slim. "Yo, Jagger," he says to Dad, "take the top position."

Dad nods. "You can take Yellow's position," he says, "while Slim will take Black's position, and Koops can try Green's position."

Dad, Pete, Slim, and Koops...successfully pull off our Super Spinning Attack, slamming into the second wave of Koopatrols.

But...they keep coming.

A masked red-shelled Parakoopa flies over the group and looks down at us. "Surrender now," she says, "and your game's end will be swift and merciful."

"Hax! I call hax!" blurts Kooper. "We can't have Ninjaparakoopas!"

"Why not?" I snort. "I apparently am one."

A group of Parakoopatrols flank the Ninjaparakoopa.

"Bowser's dad isn't even trying to be fair!" pouts Kooper.

"Fair?" hisses the Ninjaparakoopa. "I won't tolerate your insolence, you agent of the Usurper!"

Kooper stares at the Ninjaparakoopa.

"What are you talking about, ma'am?" asks Koopie Koo.

"Foolish maiden," scoffs the Ninjaparakoopa. "Don't the lot of you see? You are all deluded agents of that false Koopa Kingdom...serving the goals of the Usurper-the monster who took my husband and children away from me!"

"Hey!" spits Red, heated. "His Gnarliness would never kidnap innocent people!"

Most of us glare at Red.

"Princess Peach doesn't count!" Red continues bashfully. "Technically, she's an enemy of the Koopa Kingdom-so she's fair game."

"This...is true," says Dad slowly.

"Fool! You serve Bowser," says the Ninjaparakoopa contemptuously, "a false king!"

"To be honest," says Kooper, giving Red an annoyed glance, "some of us were drafted. But to be fair to Bowser, your so-called true king was an evil, Koopa-cidal brute. I'm pretty sure the 'Usurper'-even with being a demented sociopath-is a vast improvement."

"King Bowser's the best ruler our people have ever had in the eighth Koopa Kingdom," says Green.

"And he possesses the same regal bearing as the Viscountess," says Dad with conviction.

"Enough!" shrieks the Ninjaparakoopa. "Prepare to-*"

"Hold it!" Parakarry interjects, floating over to the Ninjaparakoopa.

"What...?" wonders the Ninjaparakoopa, flabbergasted.

Parakarry reaches into his mailbag. "Are you Warrant Officer Koopa?" he asks.

"Y...yes," says the Ninjaparakoopa, confused.

"Finally!" grins Parakarry. "We at the Mushroom Kingdom Postal Service have been trying to get your mail to you for years," he adds, presenting a massive pile of letters to the Ninjaparakoopa and handing them to her.

The Ninjaparakoopa lands, holding the unwieldy pile of mail. She opens an envelope and reads it aloud. "'Mommy, please come home. Red.' 'Mommy, where are you? Red...'"

Red trembles as the Ninjaparakoopa continues reading the letters aloud.

"Those...are all of Red's letters to Mom..." breathes Green, our master of the obvious.

"'Mom, I miss you. I'll become strong like Dad and Grandpa-not the mean old Koot, of course; join the Koopa Troop, and rescue you. Red.' What is the meaning of this!?" the Ninjaparakoopa hisses after reading Red's final letter to...

"Those...are for..." whispers Red, staring at the Ninjaparakoopa in shock-as she's apparently our mom.

"Lies. These letters are all lies!" cries the Ninjaparakoopa, shooting bursts of flame from her mouth, burning the letters.

"No...Mom..." gasps Red, crestfallen.

"You can't be my son!" seethes Mom...I guess.

"It is me! Those letters are from me! I'm Red!" says Red. "That's Black, Yellow, and Green: they all hatched after me," he continues, nodding to me, Yellow, and Green.

"No. I know the truth," says Mom sullenly.

"Just ask Dad if you don't believe me," says Red.

"Beloved..." says Dad, taking off his Terrapin helmet. "Red speaks the truth."

"You dare...!" counters Mom, spitting a fireball at Dad.

"Are you sure that's our mom?" I ask.

"Your other grandfather is a Fire Brother, remember?" says Dad as he eludes Mom's attacks. "He fought in the Mushroom World offensive and introduced you all to Kent," he adds, putting back on his helmet.

"Yeah," says Kooper balefully. "The arguing between him and Koopa Koot when you four jerks joined the Koopa Troop went on forever."

"I know what happened!" says Mom. "That brute Bowser abducted Jagger and my sons-then sent you to impersonate them!"

"Ma'am, Bowser's not smart enough to pull that off!" counters Kooper.

"My king told me..." says Mom, trembling. "He explained everything after he rescued me from Bowser, who held my little Red in his wicked claws."

"Mom...you're mixed-up! He must have fed you a steady diet of Ruin Powder," says Red. "King Bowser's rotten dad was the one who dragged you inside this nasty old painting in the first place. When King Bowser had me in hand, he was protecting me."

"Forget it, boy," says the bedraggled Koopa.

"Yeah," adds Koops. "Your mom's been brainwashed, likely by super-hypnosis."

"But...Bowser's dad hated magic," says Yellow. "His Vileness said so himself."

Koopatrol and Parakoopatrol reinforcements arrive.

"Miserable wretches. Your games will all end now," says Mom, her eyes glowing.

"We...we have to save Mom somehow...!" says Red.

"We can't do that if we run out of lives, bro," I say, grim.

"This way!" spits the bedraggled Koopa, revealing...the nastiest warp pipe I've ever seen.

"Does this even work?" asks Koopie Koo, speaking for just about all of us.

"We don't have any other choice," says Koops, hoisting Red over his shoulder to keep him from doing something stupid.

"Put me down! I've got to save Mom!" cries Red.

"But you know we'll get killed if we try to stand our ground against these guys!" says Green, scared.

"Even if nobody else cares about Mom," spits Red, breaking free of Koops' hold, "I do-!"

Dad Terrapunches Red, knocking him out. "He is distraught," he says, pulling Red onto his back. "Let's go," he continues, entering the grungy warp pipe with Red.

Everyone follows Dad in; Yellow plants a few cherry bombs and comes in last.

As soon as we emerge on the other end of the warp, we hear the explosion. At least they won't be able to follow us here.

But, looking around at this horrible place...who would want to?

* * *

"Koopatrols already!?" balks Goombario.

"At least we now know why Bowser's royal pains thought this would be a Koopa-only operation," says Goombella. "We need their defense-piercing attacks."

"Gimme a Spike Shield badge!" smirks Kenshiro. "I'll show 'em who's boss, Great Gonzalez-style!"

"Actually, if Bobbery were here," I say, "then his explosive power would be enough to get through that armor."

"I'm not sure if I'm as volatile as that old guy," says Bombette, "but let me take a kra-koom at it!"

"Equip your Spike Shield badge!" orders Goombario.

"Weak fools!" says a flying Koopatrol. "You are no match for our power!"

Goombella pulls out her Tattle Log. "That's not fair! 'Parakoopatrols: Koopatrols that fly'!?"

"There aren't enough of us to bonk those guys!" adds Goombario.

"Whoever's in charge in this kingdom doesn't mess around," says Ms. Mowz.

"We're going to be Air Raided by a squadron of spiky armored Parakarries!" spits Goombario, looking up to Lakilester-or 'Spike', as he prefers to be called. "Hit those guys with every Spiny Egg you have before we become pincushions!"

"Tank for us, Ms. Flurrie!" adds Kenshiro.

"Of course, little darling!" I say, moving in front of my dear friends, though even I won't be able to act as though enduring this assault is painless.

Lakilester knocks the Parakoopatrols out of the sky; Bombette attacks the grounded Koopatrols with Power Bomb.

Those attacks only weakened this group, however; and they're not happy.

Thankfully, Vivian appears from the ground, casting a round of Fiery Jinx and ending this business. The Koopatrols retreat.

"There's going to be more of those guys if we don't move," says Goombario, worried. "I'd bet it takes time to cast that special attack of yours."

Vivian nods, even as Beldam and Marilyn appear from the shadows.

"The wisest course of action is to flee this place," says Beldam, grave. "Even our magic can't overwhelm their numbers."

Agreeing with the Shadow Sirens, we leave the castle gates for the relative safety of the forest.

"Hey, Beldam," says Goombella. "You're the oldest of the Sirens. What do you know about the guy in charge here?"

"Only that as Koopa kings go, he's very ruthless, quite unlike that big oaf your friend Mario pushes around," says Beldam.

"Although that 'big oaf' does have his moments of pure evil," says Goombario. "We could safely say, then," he continues, "that Bowser's dad...is what Bowser would be like if he were serious all of the time."

"That does explain why Peach invites Bowser to so many kart races and soccer games," says Goombella.

"Yeah," says Goombario. "Give Bowser something to do that wears him out and takes his mind off conquering the Mushroom Kingdom."

"Speaking as a former Troopa myself," says Lakilester bashfully, "Bowser's not all bad; he's actually beloved by his people."

Goombario nods "That's what my little cousins in Monstro Town all say," he says. "They love him, and so does their dad."

"To be fair," says Goombella, "he was a lot of help against Smithy, and even against the Dark Star. Bowser also helped Mario to stop the Void from consuming all of existence-defying a 1,500-year old prophecy."

"And he beat Valentina with Mario and Princess Peach's help to restore Prince Mallow to his throne in Nimbus Land," says Lakilester.

"I don't want to hear about Mallow right now," fumes Kenshiro. "He should have just told us what was going on so we'd be better prepared."

"So," I say aloud, patting Kenshiro's head, "Bowser is a king capable of good and evil."

Goombella nods. "A regular villain protagonist," she says, "though the way my mom tells it, she says that Mario's a heroic sociopath."

"No way! Mario's a hero!" says Goombario.

"True," says Goombella, "but consider that creep Grubba I told you about-the guy who used to run the Glitz Pit. He was a vet of the Mushroom World offensive."

_"'Executioner from Hell'?" I wondered aloud to Grubba. "Don't you think that's a bit melodramatic for our dear little Mario?"_

_Grubba waited until Mario left with Jolene. "The truth is," he winced, "at one point in my life, I was in a platoon during the Mushroom World offensive. That little man and his brother in green are mustachioed twin terrors," he howled. "Frog suits, fire flowers: those were good times, good times... I wouldn't mind seeing how I measure up against him these days," Grubba added almost inaudibly, flexing a muscle in a full-length mirror._

_"I-I'm surprised that you're not in the ring yourself, Mr. Grubba," said Koops shyly. "Y-you're in really good shape for your age."_

_"Naw, skinny!" chortled Grubba. "Those days are long over! Long over..." he continued, a wistful smile on his face._

When I think on that now, I can certainly sympathize-as a performer myself: an old warrior wanting to take the stage again and shine; in his case, against a formidable opponent. It's unfortunate that Grubba took advantage of so many innocent souls using the Gold Star.

"We aren't giving up, are we?" asks Kenshiro.

"These guys are strong," muses Goombella.

"Seriously!?" balks Kenshiro. "We whomped the Shadow Queen!"

"We had Mario's help then," says Vivian, "not to mention Koops and Bobbery."

"Things may be different now," says Goombario, determined, "but we can't just leave this to the Koopa Brothers."

"Think, little Goomnut," says the professor. "It'll be difficult to defeat the former king of the eighth Koopa Kingdom: the Koopa royal who ended King Daibara's game."

"Oh, my!" I gasp. Our enemy is someone who was strong enough to vanquish Princess Peach's father-one of the strongest warriors in the Mushroom World.

"It doesn't matter, Professor Frankly," says Goombario. "We all know Mario would face the threat, no matter the odds. I can't call myself his Apprentice," he continues, "if I don't follow in his footsteps."

"Right on!" adds Kenshiro. "We've got a legacy to maintain."

Goombella sighs. "We can't just let our friends risk their lives alone," she says.

"Then let's go!" I say, squaring my shoulders. "No odds are insurmountable!" I only wish that I were as confident as my words suggest.

* * *

"I really wish you hadn't dragged me into this," I wince at my former superior officer.

"You still owe me for not reporting you when you deserted your post," spits my lovely field leader, Goombella's mother.

"Sorry," I snort, "but as you've undoubtedly noticed, I have a family to consider-and I wasn't about to get stomped flat by a plumber in a green hat for a war of aggression I was forcibly drafted into."

"Oh, but granting aid and comfort to that fellow's psychotic brute of a brother-that's so much better for your wife and children," counters Goombella's mother.

"Maybe if your glorious king hadn't thrown him out of Princess Peach's castle during yet another bid to conquer her kingdom-my little Goombaria found him, by the way-then maybe I'd feel more sympathetic," I say. "Of course, the fact that a gate I was fixing was destroyed by Kammy Koopa squelched what little goodwill I had left towards the Koopa Kingdom after that stunt."

"None of that matters at the moment," says Koops' mom. "Right now, a pack of untrained civilians is putting themselves needlessly in harm's way against a deadly foe...including your son."

"I'd say that those civilians wouldn't have endangered themselves," I counter, "if you hadn't press-ganged Kooper and Parakarry into your business."

"That will be quite enough-all of you!" bellows a Bob-omb, adjusting his naval hat.

"A...admiral," says Koopie Koo's father, saluting.

"Stand down, lad," says the Bob-omb, Admiral Bobbery. "I'm retired; remember that."

Wow. The architect of the Dark Land Naval Defense Program.

"That would explain why you were travelling with Mario," says Koops' mother.

"I'm free to travel with whomever I blasted well wish to, my dear," says Bobbery tersely.

"That isn't important," breathes Sushie. "We have to protect those children," she continues, "before they get themselves hurt."

It's hard to remember sometimes, but Sushie was a member of the KT Seawings: she fought in several offensives in the sea and the air.

"How could you allow those royal brats of Bowser to endanger my comrades?" demands Bobbery. "Koops and the others are capable, but they've never had to contend with the madness and evil within that painting."

"How could you!?" shrieks Koopa Koot, shaking his cane at Koops' mother and Koopie Koo's father. "Why would you send my whole family in there-not to mention Kooper!? You miserable Bowser-worshippers have no respect for your elders...!" Koopa Koot continues to rail incoherently.

I almost feel sorry for these Koopa Troop jerks...almost.

"Would someone do me a favor and shut him up...?" hisses Koops' mother.

"Sending those deluded grandsons of mine on another stupid suicide mission is bad enough, but you had to drag my only son into it, too?" spits Koopa Koot.

"They volunteered, sir," says Sergeant Flutter. "All five of them: Jagger and the Koopa Brothers, are trained soldiers in the Koopa Troop."

Jagger's part of the Terrapin Corps, which was a precursor to the Koopatrol program. The Koopa Brothers, his sons...I think my son has done plenty of Tattling on those guys.

"That ain't sayin' much," mutters Koopa Koot. He'll get no argument from me on that score.

"They're with Kent, who has personally trained them," says Koopie Koo's father.

"To bully coins away from unsuspecting pedestrians on a stroll, perhaps," says Kolorado, "but to fight the horrors within that painting world? I think not, old boy." Kolorado was tricked into fighting in the Dinosaur World offensive with thoughts of treasure...

"If you were going to endanger them like that," adds Kolorado's wife, "you could have at least sent Mario with them, so that we'd know Kooper and those other children would be safe." ...but luckily for him, Kolorado met his lovely, long-suffering wife.

Bobbery sighs. "To be fair," he says, "even Mario-strong as he is-would be hard pressed against the enemy within that painting. Which is why Bowser had this painting sealed after he sent his accursed father into it!" he adds, his temper flaring.

"It was likely the wisest decision Bowser had ever made in his life," I add. Of course, Bowser was just a kid when he did that, and I was about Goombaria's age.

"The seal is losing its strength, Admiral," says Goombella's mother gravely. "That is why the Royal Highnesses acted."

"And Princess Peach herself authorized this," adds Koops' mother, presenting a copy of Peach's royal decree to me, "as she recognizes the threat the enemy in the painting poses to both the Koopa Kingdom and the Mushroom Kingdom."

Well. That does change things a bit. Indirectly, Bowser's father is the reason why we have Bowser trying to take over the Mushroom World in the first place.

If it hadn't been for the battle that killed Princess Peach's father, His Majesty King Daibara, we would never have to deal with Bowser; we'd be at peace with all nine Koopa Kingdoms-rather than the stupid territorial dispute which is Bowser's long-standing pretext for kidnapping Her Highness at least once a month.

Bobbery draws himself to attention. "There's no other choice for us, then," he says. "I've already called in a favor," Bobbery continues, noting as Cortez's ship bursts into the castle, "and we'll retrieve the lot of the ones who aren't authorized to be within this painting."

Yes! Let's save my son.

"Let's make a go of it, then," says Kolorado.

"I'm coming with you," says Kolorado's wife.

"Y-you can't come with me!" fumes Kolorado, pouting.

"I'm not letting you get distracted by treasure hunting fever," counters Kolorado's wife.

Kolorado sputters wordlessly. Things like this are why I made sure to leave my wife home.

"Hey, wait up!" grins Koopley, with Mayor Kroop behind him.

Koopley? I haven't seen him in years...!

Koopa Koot adjusts his glasses. "General Kroop...?" he asks.

"I'm not sure if I know you," says Kroop, bewildered.

"You don't remember me? Major Koopa, Shellcreeper Troop F1?" asks Koopa Koot.

Kroop blinks as he slowly recognizes Koopa Koot. "Now I know I don't want to remember you," he groans.

"We both got drafted into that sewer-related operation," grins Koopa Koot, "with just two weeks before retirement."

That was around the time that the Mario Brothers first did battle against the Koopa Kingdom: in the sewer systems near a metropolis outside the Mushroom Kingdom. While the Mario Brothers were dealing with that, Bowser was systematically taking over the Mushroom Kingdom, world by world-starting with the disputed areas...like my puny little village.

To this day, this is why we still have gangs of Bowser-allied Goombas harassing visitors...and why the Koopa Brothers and Kent act like idiots in Koopa Village. It explains so much...

"I know..." says Kroop.

"Wow," says Koopley. "I never knew you were with Troop F1, Your Honor," he adds, awe in his voice. "You and Mr. Koopa are survivors."

That's right. Towards the end of Bowser's father's reign of terror; my Koopa King, King Daibara of the ninth Koopa Kingdom, had his game ended; but the eighth Koopa Kingdom's army was defeated. In retaliation, Bowser's father executed the soldiers in the Eighth Kingdom...along with their families.

The old Koot had lost his wife and was forced into the Koopa Troop at that time when Bowser's father overran Koopa Village. Dad wasn't much more successful, but he and Mom at least survived because he-being a commander-surrendered to save the family...which was himself and his new bride. This all happened before I was born, after all.

Of course, we Goombas gained this terrible reputation as traitors as a result, and it didn't go away until Smithy invaded, basically. Thanks to my cousin helping Bowser and the Princess out against that creep, we finally gained a pardon...but there's still a great deal of hostility and division.

As for Kroop, Petalburg and Shwonk Fortress at the time was eighth Koopa Kingdom territory, but it's now considered neutral; Kroop was a colonel at the time of King Daibara's end game, and when Bowser's father failed to defeat the Ninth Koopa Kingdom's forces...he took it out on Kroop's unit first. Kroop...was the only survivor. Koopley's dad ran out of lives, along with most of Kooper's family. I think Kolorado's dad outlasted all of this, but only because he was on some adventure at a castle near Petal Meadows. Come to think of it, no one has heard from that old guy since...

"You both have our respect, sirs," adds Koops' mother, saluting Koopa Koot and Kroop after removing her Koopatrol helmet. "The decision to select Koops and Kooper for this mission wasn't made lightly."

"They were handpicked because of their ability," continues Sergeant Flutter, "along with Jagger and the Koopa Brothers."

The Sarge was in a number of offensives as well, but retired to Monstro Town after the Mushroom World offensive.

"They're not alone," says Goombella's mother. "Not only is Kent-a Heavy Troopa and decorated veteran of the Mushroom World offensive-with them, but also two veterans of the Dinosaur World offensive, as well as Vice Chancellor Kameko," she adds, "who is second in magical power only to Chancellor Fang himself."

"Kameko" would be that rotten gate-breaking witch Kammy, while "Fang" is actually that old fogey Kamek. When Kamek had kidnapped one of the Mario Brothers mid-delivery, it caused a huge international incident between the Mushroom Kingdom, the eighth Koopa Kingdom, and Yoshi's Island. It was a few years after the Shroob Invasion when Bowser's father chose to invade, sending Bowser himself as a diplomatic envoy. That guy was so rotten to use Bowser-his own son-as a little Trojan horse.

"And there's also this little magic adept; some determined runt who had knocked aside the Koopa Brothers," grins Koopie Koo's father, shaking his head.

"Sounds like Junior Troopa," I note balefully. He is very persistent...

"The brat volunteered himself," says Koops' mother. That sounds about right.

"We'll need to get the unauthorized civilians out of danger. Are we agreed?" asks Bobbery.

Everyone nods; we board Cortez's ship.

* * *

"This is the second time we ended up in the sewers," groans Black.

Koopie Koo suppresses her nausea, her gold skin turning a sickly green. "They're actual sewers this time," she moans.

"How do you think we feel?" snorts Yellow. "At least you and Black can fly."

"Actually," says Kooper, switching over to his archaeology hat, "this does look like it was an inhabited city. I'd say from the time of the Imperial Viscountess-when she was a kid," he continues.

"The Viscountess," winces Jagger, taking off his helmet. "She was made to marry very poorly."

"You could say the misery that Bowser's old man caused started at the top," says Pete.

"Indeed," says Jagger. "I must believe in my king. He may very well have embarked on a quest with Her Highness, Princess Peach, to end this tyrant's reign of terror. The power of the Viscountess lives on through His Majesty Bowser."

"Exactly," says Green. "Only His Gnarliness is allowed to have an uninterrupted reign of terror."

Kooper blinks, confused. "Isn't that Red's line?" he asks.

"Normally, yes," says Green, "but Red's...not in the mood."

Ahead of the group with Koops, Red smiles in spite of his mood. "I'm going to paste Green for stealing my lines," he mutters.

"I suppose someone had to say it," says Koops to Red, placing a hand on Red's shoulder, "though in all fairness: for the poor Koopas stuck here, your king's riff on Mordor would be a step up."

"We have airships, tanks, and modern plumbing-along with sanitary warp zones," says Red wryly.

"I know," says Koops. "The Mario Brothers work hard to keep those clean-let me tell you. So, to keep Bowser's dad from breaking out to turn the rest of the Mushroom World into _this_," he continues, gesturing to the sewers, "and to save your mom as well as protect mine, let's do what we came here to do."

Red nods grimly. "Not sure how we're going to do it, though," he quips, "considering that Black threw off our whole Koopa Brothers team dynamic by sprouting wings."

"It was too much to hope your mood swing would last very long," snorts Black.

"I'm glad he's over his mood swing," I say.

"Come on, Slim," counters Pete. "That ain't cool."

"I'm just sayin', K: we've lost Kent and both of our mages," I continue, folding my arms. "We need everyone on their A-game."

* * *

This is scary.

No! I'm not scared! Don't you readers out there at Fanfiction dot Net even think of saying that I'm scared!

Anyway...we've got some old, scarred Koopa in a _kimono_ and _hakama_. He looks like Koops, but has a blue shell like Kooper...and he's got Koopatrol goons with him.

Kammy grins at him. "What would you have of this lovely Koopa beauty, Nokosaburo?" she asks.

"I would have you executed on the spot for treason, Kameko," says this crusty old guy, No-ko-saw...boo...row...? Why can't this guy just get a normal name people can pronounce? It's almost as bad as calling me-*

"His Majesty sees worth in sparing your life and the life of this little _kowappa_...for now," continues the old guy, making me mad.

"My name is Master Junior Troopa!" I spit, waving my magic cane, "Soon you will learn to fear it-as do all of my enemies!"

The old guy just smiles at me. "It's unfortunate to lose someone with your spirit," he says. "Hatchlings like you are His Majesty's favorite bedtime snack."

I fume at the old guy. "Listen up, leatherface!" I spit. "If that old wimpy fossil of a Koopa king tries to eat me, I'll give him indigestion! He'll rue the day he crossed me!"

The old guy sighs. "Forgive me, young master," he says wryly. "I've simply seen too many little ones like you gobbled up. Your fate will be the same as theirs, my eager _kowappa_."

"Don't call me that!" I spit.

"I suppose that the thug wants me to kneel before him, General Nokosaburo," says Kammy.

"You will pay your respects to the King of the Koopas," says the old guy.

"Then free me, so that I can return to the Dark Lands and pay my respects to my king: the great and evil King Bowser, _kuppa-daimaoh_!" shrieks Kammy.

"You are deluded," says the old guy as the Koopatrol guards open our cell and grab us, dragging us both out. "That old fossil Fang has thoroughly indoctrinated you."

"No," says Kammy. "It is _you_, Nokosaburo, who clings to delusion. Deep down, you know the truth."

We all head down long, spooky corridors. It's all black except for a few torches, instead of the burnt gray-white bricks at Bowser's.

"That wretch you serve is the butcher who ordered you to end the game of your own son-along with so many other Koopas who served him faithfully," continues Kammy. "I, on the other hand, serve a true king who thinks always of his people!"

"Silence," spits the old guy.

We're at the door to the throne room: a big red door. I guess he really is Bowser's papa after all.

The door opens, and we enter the throne room; Kent's chained up, and snoring. That dummy got knocked out with a Sleepy Sheep.

There a big shadow in the back of the room.

"Your Majesty," says the old guy. "I have brought you the traitress Kameko." He pushes Kammy forward, toward the shadow.

The shadow laughs.

"You may have captured me," says Kammy, "but the bulk of my king's elite task force is still free to put an end to your game."

"Is that so, old _kameku_?" snorts the shadow, who doesn't sound impressed. "If that pathetic fellow is an example," he continues, pointing a shadowed claw at Kent, "of what that worthless son of mine considers elite, then I shall regain my throne very soon." A dark laugh echoes through the throne room.

Kammy scowls, while the old guy, No-ko-saw-boo-row, squares his shoulders.

I tremble...

Don't you readers start thinking that I'm scared! Who's the fanfiction writer of this dumb story, anyway!?

**END OF CHAPTER**

AN: Alternate motives for characters in PAPER MARIO? Not only Red (and by extension, the Koopa Bros.), but Grubba of all folks (he may have stumbled onto the Gold Star).

Also: Parakarry is *really* dedicated to his job as mail courier. And Red's just more proof of the old TV TROPE that even bad Koopas love their mamas.

Good luck guessing some of the Mario games that the older characters (Kolorado, for example) may have been in before their official in-game appearances.

Finally, there is much leaning on the fourth wall from Jr. Troopa; he even pulls a few Lord Crumps, in true PAPER MARIO fashion. And...you readers begin to glimpse the villain of this story: Bowser's dad.


End file.
